Thursday, December 10, 2009

Daniel Bible Study Thoughts

As I was doing my Beth Moore Daniel bible study today, I had this overwhelming feeling of just how great God is. This entire bible study has been extremely hard as it deals with very complex material (you know what I mean for any of you who have read the book of Daniel). The book and the bible study I am doing do not relate to anything that is "self-help", as many bible studies are. That is one of the key things Ms. Moore points out. The book is packed full of history and just a basic outflowing of what is to come. However, even though there is nothing in this book that really relates to how we should live our daily lives as Christians, it impacts me in more ways then one:

First, it confuses me. Now, I am the type of person that does not like to be confused. Although Beth Moore does a great job in  breaking down the time tables and the language, it still leaves questions lingering in my mind. This confusion, I believe, has been good for me. It just proves to me how small my mind is; how the things of God are so beyond my understanding that my feeble mind cannot comprehend them.

Second, the confusion pushes me to desire more. This bible study has pushed me to just want to learn more about God and His word. I think the one book that Christians shy away from is the end times material (especially the book of Revelation). Why? because it is hard to understand, and slightly scary. However, reading and studying Daniel has made me want to learn so much more about what God has planned. There are times that I am reading in Matthew, Daniel, or Revelation (all part of the study) and I can't help but cry. I cry because of my frustration in understanding it, in my awe of the Lord, and in my ultimate desire to learn more. It is so tough to spend time learning more in the daily hustle and bustle of my life. I just need to focus more on this. 

Third, I am in awe of the Lord. The study and reading just shows how great the Lord is. I think reading this material in its complexity has given me a greater fear of the Lord than any other study I have done. Even Paul in his attempt to understand God in Romans 11:33-36
Oh, the depth of the riches both of wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and His ways past finding out!
'For who has known the mind of the Lord?
Or who has become His counselor?
Or who has first given to Him?
And it shall be repaid to him?'
For of Him and through Him and to Him are all things, to whom be glory forever. Amen."

Part of the reading for the bible study included Romans 11 and the discussions about the Jewish people and information about the end times. I read this passage regarding the salvation of the Jewish people and it boggled my mind. It seemed so contradictory to everything I had learned before, however I dug farther and realized that it really isn't contradictory. It fits with who God is. It just shows me how God can do anything He wants and He will do anything He wants. Sometimes I try to figure things out in Gods word and this study just showed me that some things, I just need to "take in" and know that whether I fully understand them or not, it doesn't matter. 

Fourth, a greater understanding of God's love for Israel. This point goes along with Romans 11 and the third point. Reading Daniel, Romans, and Matthew, just show me the ultimate love God has for His people. I think as Christians, we sometimes think that the Jews have been forgotten since they rejected Christ. However, this is not the case. The order just changed. In Romans 11:28-32 speaks of God's promise to the Jewish people (warning: this verse's interpretation has been highly debated as to what it means): 
" Concerning the gospel they are enemies for your sake, but concerning the election they are beloved for the sake of the fathers. For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable, For as you were once disobedient to God, yet have now obtained mercy through their disobedience, even so these also have now been disobedient, that through the mercy shown you they also may obtain mercy. For God has committed them all to disobedience, that He might have mercy on all"

Are you thoroughly confused yet? Either way, I think this shows that God still desires and will fulfill His promise to Israel in some way or another. 

Ok, enough of this post. I just wanted to get out some thoughts. I have such an appreciation for God and His love towards me. As this Daniel bible study I am doing comes to a close, I can't help but want to study even deeper into God's word. 


Friday, December 4, 2009

The conundrum of my life currently.

So lately I have been struggling with this "life long career decision". I don't know if this is a struggle for everyone, I know it always has been for me. However, it isn't really a struggle for Ivan. He knows what he wants to do with slight variations.

Basically, I don't know what I want to do with myself with the future. I am one of those people that likes to give 100% to everything I do, but the problem is I am spread between so many things that I can't pursue them all. Some of them I can manage at the same time, but others would require so much time and resources that it wouldn't be possible. I suppose that is a timeless constraint, time and resources. 

Anyway, so I figure I will just write out a few of the ideas I have and see what you all think (if anyone is actually reading this... haha). The truth is that writing will help me to get it out of my head (at least for a little while). Now, don't assume that I am not already praying about all this... I definitely am. Sometimes though my mind fires too quickly to calm it down so I need to write it. 

Here are some of my life long "dreams" per se, which may be impossible but would be interesting to pursue... (very right brain type pursuits):

1) Be a country singer (I would probably have to move to Nashville for this but it is not out of the question).  Of course, this is one of those "right time right place" type of things, but I have always dreamed of pursuing it. 

2) Be a wedding planner. Part of my difficulty with this is the fear of having my own business. Being an accountant, I know all the "consequences" and they scare me. Sometimes being naive on technical issues allows you to be braver concerning entrepreneurial pursuits. 

3) Be a cake decorator ( I would have to take some more classes and have a lot more practice.. time and resources)

Here are some things that would require a lot of resources but are more of "left brain" dreams:

1) I want Ivan to get his grad degree (not my goal but I have to consider it before I consider being a "stay at home" mom)

2) I could go get my PhD in Accounting and teach at a university. Therefore, I could be a mom and a teacher at the same time. I have always loved teaching accounting. The problem with this is that it is a lot of time and resources. It also would pretty much leave my "right-brain" dreams in the dust. 

3) Pursue more of a finance angle from home or a company. Basically I could do more of financial planning type stuff with a little more training and education. I would have to put kids on hold for a little while pursing thing. I have always wanted to know more about investing myself and everything. 

(Aside: Even though I am a CPA, I don't know much about individual taxes, it would be nice to finally be able to do my own taxes without having a professional do them. I also (as mentioned above) am extremely naive in finance type pursuits and I would like more experience in them)

And the other goals which stand out on their own:

1) Be a stay at home mom. I really want to homeschool my kids and I feel like this is important. The timetable however is what I don't really know. 

2) Write my own books and bible studies. I have always wanted to do this, possibly even do an online bible theology type program to gain some more knowledge. Again, time and resources (concerning the education). 

There is this consistent struggle between my left brain (logical, accounting, education) and my right brain (creative, dance, singing). I feel like I have always gone with the "practical", with the left side. I spent years going through the accounting program and since I had to move from FL, I never got to finish my masters degree. I would have to move back to finish since grad programs don't transfer credits. I am consistently striving for more of the knowledge that comes with my career (ex: finance info, tax info, accounting info, business info) but that striving may be from one of two causes: first, it may be from a desire to know the information in order to make money to pursue my OTHER dreams, or second, it may just be my desire for more knowledge in an area which I am known to succeed (which is comfortable for me). I mean I assume that if I kept working the way I am now, I would probably be able to climb the corporate ladder.. but at the sacrifice of what? a family? homeschooling? and other pursuits I may have?

I just hate watching more and more news about new singers or cake decorators or wedding planners or just "right side brain" ventures that I wish I could have been a part of. But I don't want to put my career ahead of my husband's career, though naturally in my sin nature, I do that. It is a daily struggle to try to refocus my goals. The hard part is when you don't really "know your goals". I know that I need to put Ivan's career first, but I don't know what I am striving for. Anyway, this is just a struggle for me.. it is difficult because I want to "dive into" something.. yet if I can't make a choice of at most 2 (of the above) it is going to be tough... I just am never committed fully to one thing. 

Anyway, enough of this blog.. I think I just needed a rant. Please feel free to comment..... time for a Christmas movie!.. 


Thursday, December 3, 2009

An Hour

Ok today.. I did an hour on the elliptical and I am dying. Losing weight is so tough. I have been doing all this for about a week and still haven't lost anything.. erg.. We will see.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Start of Weight Loss

Ok, well I have 4 weeks to lose some of the weight I want to lose. I recently got an elliptical machine and I got the Jillian Michaels ifit cards to go along with it. It is technically an 8 week program. I hope to lose 20 lbs by the end of all this. We will see. Lindsey