Monday, October 8, 2012

"Fake" Friendships

This is not technically a Happiness project post or a Pinterest post. It is off topic for the most part. However, I felt the need to write it. If you hate reading more "serious posts" feel free to click off now :).  But I figure the title gives away the fact that this isn't a lighthearted post. 

Have any of you had what I call "fake" friends? I feel like at every point in a girl's life, you have a fake friend. I have had several in my life. Some of these friends I still stay in touch with. I wouldn't consider them fake friends in the TRUE sense but maybe just friends that have become acquaintances  However, I know that if they were ever in town on vacation etc... they would call me up to come visit. I am fine with these types of friends. Honestly, in this day and age it is really hard to keep up with everyone in a truly "friend" sense. 

Now, I do have a few people who I would consider close friends. These are people who call me up or email me just as frequently as I email or call them. We get together semi-regularly, or we attempt to get together :). There is also a mutual friendship. This means that they want to be friends with me and I want to be friends with them. It isn't a one way street. I hate one-sided friendships and for the most part I rid myself of them (unless they are long time friends who I consider more like family). 

Recently, I have been wrestling with a fake friendship; basically, I have been deciding whether to end it or not. I had this "friend" but now I truly wonder if we were ever friends. We used to get together, but she always had a very "belittling" tone when it came to me. You know those people... you get together with them, and every time they talk to you it sounds like they are talking to their little sister or to a child.   I really didn't appreciate this, but I blew it off because I know some people don't know they are speaking like this (it is just their nature and their tone). Anyway, I finally decided to end this friendship  and here are the reasons why:

1) "Friends" who NEVER email you. You email them to let them know about events, fun things they might enjoy, but they NEVER reciprocate. They also don't seem to appreciate your emails. It is as if you are a bother to them. They reply but it is like "who cares". 

2) "Friends" who live near you, and are interested in similar things but don't invite you. These are the friends who are attending an event or doing an activity that they know you would enjoy. However, they don't let you know about it. It isn't as if you need to go together to the event (although friends typically would), but they don't even let you know about it! I am also not talking about one time occurrences, I am more so speaking of a complete disregard for the other person.

3) "Friends" who just basically don't reciprocate the friendship. Yes, they may "like" or comment on a Facebook status, but it is as if they follow you just to keep tabs on you, rather than to actually be your friend. 

I finally decided to rid myself of one such friend today. I had been debating but I finally made the decision it was time. This person was always nice to my face, but in reality, she ignored me, belittled me, and just basically was not a nice person. It was as if her "nice" demeanor in public, was just to make her look better. It was always a shock to me. She would be totally nice in person (in front of other people) but was a completely different person online. Maybe she was nice to people who she wanted to be friends with. I am sure she was. However, I am tired of trying to keep up with people who don't also want to be friends with me. This is part of my Happiness project in a sense. I am getting rid of the negativity. Now lets clarify I a few things... do I hate her? NO! not at all. Am I mad at her? I am still a little frustrated, but I do forgive her.  If I forgive her, why do I have to unfriend her? There are just certain people who, in their actions, bring about negative thoughts. I don't want to have those thoughts anymore so it is just better that I break it off. It won't really matter, because she won't even know I am gone! haha! 

Anyway, I just wanted to reach out and see if any of you in blogger land have experienced this same thing? Have you had to break off any "fake" friendships? 

4 comments:

  1. It is funny how "fake" friends are. My ?? is what if one of the "fake" friends is a family member?? Been struggling with this for a while!

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  2. I have been struggling with this same issue! I have not broken the friendship yet because it's hard for me to accept the fact that it is "fake". When I see this person, they are very nice to me, always come up and shake my hand and ask me how I am doing. But when I think about it, they have never done me the slightest favor. He would not be inconvenienced in the slightest way to do anything for me, he never has...Thanks Lindsey, I'm going to break it off.

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    1. It is always a tough decision. But if the relationship drains you as a person, it has to be done for your own sanity.

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  3. I applaud your wisdom and your decision. Friendships are an investment. True friends will not belittle you no matter what. They uplift you and cheer you when you are down, they cry with you when you cry and are sad, and they rejoice in your accomplishments. Although we cannot get together often, I have been friends with your Mom longer than you are old, and we always pick up where we left off and it is like we never were apart. Those kind of friendships are rare, but so worth having. In fact, your mom was one of the first I called when my mom passed away.

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